Personality of the Week: Taylor Lautner

Every week we'll be choosing one individual (real or otherwise) as our Battle Royale Personality of the Week. On this fine Wednesday, I get to do the honors by selecting the inaugural personality. The first person to receive this lofty award is none other than every teenage girl's favorite werewolf, Taylor Lautner.

Left: Taylor Lautner
Right: The reason I chose this picture

But what makes Taylor Lautner worthy of such high-profile praise? The reasoning for my decision was based on the following principles:

1. New Moon is kind of a big deal
If you haven't heard, The Twilight Saga: New Moon (to use its full name for formality's sake once in this post) pulled in 140.7 million dollars in the U.S. in its opening weekend, placing it third on the all time list behind The Dark Knight and Spider-Man 3. Thanks to an army of rabid female fans, Taylor was part of a project that was about $17.8 million away from making history. Just being associated with something like that is enough to raise awareness, but being one of the stars helped secure his title this week. I haven't actually seen New Moon yet (I'm going today, and I'm sure I'll have plenty to say about it, in due time), but honestly, at this point it doesn't really matter whether or not it's even any good, at least for the purposes of this award; it's become a cultural phenomenon of which Taylor Lautner is a part.

2. He was the best thing about Twilight
Someone please tell me why "Team Edward" even exists. Who in their right mind would pick a pasty, prissy, metrosexual vampire toolbag who perpetually seems either bored or confused by his surroundings and spends much of his time making sure his hair has that perfectly messed-up look over a down-to-earth, naturally friendly guy who is secretly a werewolf? What's that you say? Edward sparkles in sunlight? Shame on me for forgetting that most paramount of vampire characteristics, that makes ALL the difference. But seriously, even from a the standpoint of a potential heterosexual friend, Jacob Black is way more likeable (not to mention approachable) than Edward Cullen, and though he had only a small part in the first film, he stood out to me as the most interesting thing about it. The only downside to Jacob in Twilight was that his hair was ludicrously long, but they rectified that for New Moon, so all is well. I realize that all the things I just detailed are traits of the characters played by Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, not of the actors themselves, but then again, I think part of the reason that Edward Cullen looked so bored/confused throughout the movie was because Robert Pattinson's not that great of an actor. Taylor Lautner, on the other hand, gave me at least a believeable performance.

3. His acting abilities don't limit him to playing werewolves
Don't try and typecast Taylor Lautner as one type of human/animal hybrid:

Exhibit A

4. He's dating Taylor Swift
This one's a no-brainer. I mean come on, it's Taylor Swift. Not only is she beautiful (albeit freakishly tall), but she's winning every award imaginable (I mean sure, she hasn't gotten the Battle Royale Personality of the Week award yet, but we gotta take this thing one Taylor at a time). As a guy, I have to give major props to the one who can rein in Taylor Swift, and the fact that they share a first name just gives them extra novelty points.

And there you have it. If you don't think those reasons are good enough, go soak a rope in kerosene (all this early Christmas spirit is apparently getting to me). Next week you'll get to see Danny Latin's first pick for Battle Royale Personality of the Week, but we've got plenty more coming for you in the days before then, so don't forget to gather all your friends and come back tomorrow.

-Billy