Case of the Mondays

Monday, November 30, 2009 | | | 0 comments |
"BILLY!" you're saying to yourself right now, "YOU'RE SO CLEVER!" Yes, yes, I know this very well. After all, I rip lines out of Office Space and use them as blog titles as only the best pop culture commentators can. But for all the self-deprecating chatter wasting precious screen space here, there is actually a purpose behind my use of that phrase beyond the fact that today is Monday. You see, Peter Gibbons, the central character of Office Space, attained a degree of success and renown in his office by breaking out of the traditional routine and doing things his own way. Likewise, I'm shirking the prescribed format (when I started writing the Weekly Glance Back column, it required a wall of boring factual background before I was able to get to the good stuff, and no one wants to sit through all that) in favor of something that will, hopefully, interest you much more.

Today, I bring to you, oh dear reader, something I stumbled on over the weekend: a flash game called The Company of Myself.



In this game, you play as an unnamed man who, for some reason, has become a hermit, and so must solve his problems entirely on his own esteem. In order to complete the levels, you take certain actions in each level and then, by hitting the space bar, replicate the actions you just took in the form of a ghost man who does everything exactly as you just did it, leaving you free to do other things. In this manner, you can use yourself to get a boost up to a higher ledge, carry yourself across a bridge, and so on. In some levels you can only replicate yourself once; in others, you can replicate yourself an infinite number of times. This type of gameplay creates a number of interesting possibilities, and makes you take a different approach to virtually every level, so the game never gets stale.


While the gameplay is certainly novel and challenging in its own right, there's a level of depth behind this game that you don't usually see in such offerings. If you do choose to play it (and I strongly recommend that you do), don't just skip the intro sequence, because it lays the foundation for the intriguing story of the game. In fact, the game itself is, as the narrator describes it, an allegory for the story that he is telling, and as you play through each level, he gives you insights into what he thinks and feels. While graphically sparse, the music is superbly atmospheric, at times whimsical and at others almost sinister. If you start playing this game, please, PLEASE play it through to the end, and sit through the end credits (they're not very long)... it's worth the time and effort to see the haunting conclusion of this tale.

If you start the game and have trouble at any point, I'm including a video walkthrough, but I'd advise you not to watch it unless you really need it... that said, enjoy the game.



-Billy

Monday Morning Pathfinder: Heavy Rain- PS3

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By now you probably have figured out that I'm an avid fan of the Playstation 3. As such I consider it my sworn duty to educate the general public about the goings on in the PS3 world.


Heavy Rain is currently in development and slated for a February 2010 release. It is developed by French studio Quantic Dream, makers of Omikron and Indigo Prophecy. Quantic Dream specializes in rather abnormal games, and Heavy Rain is no different. The story is based on the pursuit of a serial killer and set in a small city. There are four playable characters each interwoven into the story. Don't expect a shooter, this game appears to be a mystery suspense game. It looks similar in feel to the Silent Hill series, however, the story remains grounded in reality and shies away from the supernatural.

The game also alters traditional movement, using the PS3 triggers to control movement speed. This will be an interesting use for the "squishy" triggers of the PS3, and we will look expectantly to see how the system performs.

The gameplay will focus on the search for clues and pursuit of the killer, and the themes are supposed to comment on the price and value of love and how far someone is willing to go for love. There also will be included a system where the player can bring up potential thoughts of the character and follow the lines of thought in a certain way. Using certain lines of thought at wrong times will lead the character down a dark and dangerous path, and ultimately will result in action scenes which will rely heavily on quick time events to resolve, so if you aren't a fan of quick time events, you may want to steer clear. However, unlike shooters which throw random quick time events in just to mess with you, here the events seem to fit with the suspense and reaction, the system looks fairly fluid and apparently there is some sort of timer system to guide you. However, there is no second chance for messing up.

One of the unique things about this game is the progression of the game. You begin by playing as one character, if your choices and actions lead you to an untimely death, there is no red screen of blood and the the words "loading", rather, the game continues and you assume control of a different character, and the story adapts based upon the death. If all four characters wind up dying, the story resolves and the game ends. It present a fluidity and continuity to the game that has rarely if ever been seen before. No doubt this will exasperate many gamers who simply want to rush a bunker and blow away the bad guys, but if you are the type who enjoys the more psychological thrillers, Heavy Rain seems like one of the more interesting games to come along in a long time.






As always folks, enjoy your Monday if you can, and check back in with us tomorrow.



-Latin

Weekend Top 10: Christmas Songs

Saturday, November 28, 2009 | | | 2 comments |
Well folks, I was going to get this up on Friday, which is our usual schedule, but the holiday busyness just had me too tired, so its going up now.

As Billy mentioned below, Christmas season seems to get earlier and earlier each year, but seeing as we are now past Thanksgiving, the Christmas holiday season has hit full steam. As such, you will start hearing Christmas music wherever you go, from your barber down the street, to the mall, to the radio station that has been playing hard rock the entire year.

With that in mind, we present our inaugural top 10 list. The top 10 Christmas songs of all time. For purposes of this list, we are steering clear of caroling classics like "Silent Night" and "Deck the Halls". Instead we examine some of the best Christmastime classics from the distant and not so distant past.


10. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas- Perry Como
One of the great voices of a generation, Como's classic is still heard everywhere during the holiday season, and for good reason. It remains one of the greatest Christmas songs ever.



9. Blue Christmas- Elvis
Not as widely played as some of the others here, but Blue Christmas is still a classic, and that trademark croon has still managed to sneak its way into many a movie or commercial.




8. Let It Snow- Dean Martin
One of the best voices ever, and a classic tune. I'm more than partial to Martin's version. Then again, I'm more than partial to anything that includes Martin, who remains one of the most talented people to ever walk the earth.



7. White Christmas- Bing Crosby
For years, this was the King of Christmas music. Written of course by Irving Berlin for his movie of the same name, Crosby's version is held in the highest regard possible.



6. Baby It's Cold Outside- Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell
The common mistake with this song is that the defining version is sung by Doris Day and Bing Crosby. Actually, it wasn't Bing and Doris, it was Margaret Whiting and Johnny Mercer. Regardless, I actually prefer the version from Elf, Deschanel's voice is perfect for the song, and Ferrell aint so bad himself.



5. I'll Be Home For Christmas- Michael Buble
Lot's of different versions out there. The Carpenters version is likewise very solid, but Buble nailed this version in my opinion.




4. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas- Frank Sinatra
You knew old blue eyes had to be on the list. Sinatra's version is classic and soulful. Great song.




3. The Christmas Song- Nat King Cole
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe help to make a season bright, if not, just let Nat tell you again, and again.




2. All I Want For Christmas is You- Mariah Carey
While Billy will undoubtedly argue night and day for My Chemical Romance's version, Carey gets the nod here. Almost an instant classic when she released it, this song shows off her considerable vocal talent while also delivering a catchy modern pop classic, a rarity for Christmas songs.




1. Holly Jolly Christmas- Burl Ives
In my mind, only one man could top this list. While Billy prefers the excellent Andy Williams, I don't consider it Christmas season until I hear Burl on my radio.




That's my list for the holidays, many of you may have different classics that get you in the spirit, let me know what you think.

-Latin

Pet Peeve: When Does the Christmas Season Actually Start?

Friday, November 27, 2009 | | | 0 comments |
If you're still foggy as to what this column is about after reading the title, this is where we set aside some time each week to gripe about stuff that bugs us in popular culture. The pet peeve of the week is, in contextually appropriate fashion, the ambiguity of the start of the Christmas season.

When does the Christmas season begin, exactly? That's a bit of a tough question to answer, due largely to what I like to call the "Christmas creep." Christmas creep is the amount of time every year (or period of years) that the season is extended into fall by the mass media. To demonstrate: when I was younger, about 9 years old or so, radio stations used to play Christmas music for about 48 hours, starting early on Christmas Eve and ending at midnight after Christmas Day. Then, when I was 14, one station started playing Christmas music 24 hours a day for an entire week before Christmas. Then, the next year, a different station started playing it 24/7 the day after Thanksgiving. This year, that same radio station started playing Christmas music nonstop on Veterans' Day. See how it works?

While I know that there can't really be a set date for the Christmas season to start, I wish people would start using their heads about this kind of thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Grinch; I love Christmas as much as the next guy (or possibly more, if the next guy is in fact a Grinch), I just think the start of the season is being pushed to its limits. It seemed even more widespread this year than it has in years past, with many people admitting via Facebook status updates that they were getting into the spirit early this year. Again, there's nothing really wrong with that, I just don't think it makes a whole lot of sense to be chopping down trees and singing Christmas carols before Thanksgiving even comes.


It's an upside down tree. You know, to symbolize the error
of starting the season too early. It works, right? Right?

To me, the arrival of Santa Claus at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is clearance for the season to officially begin. Even then, there's still Thanksgiving dinner to be had before you rush into all the Christmas festivities, but at least Santa has given you his blessing by that time. When you start getting all Christmas-y before you've even reached the halfway point of November, I think your priorities are a little out of whack. I mentioned how early the season was starting a while ago, and it was pointed out to me that it will never start before Halloween, because Halloween is such a big deal these days as well. That's true enough, but if you go to any major retail outlet the day after Halloween, the Christmas decorations are coming out. I know Thanksgiving isn't a big consumer holiday, and I suppose that's where the heart of it all lies, but it is still a national holiday, and I think we should abstain from Christmas related activities (barring shopping) until after it passes.

Alas, the Christmas creep just keeps on creeping, and since the media is such a powerful force in our lives, it's hard not to jump right in the first time we hear "Happy Holidays" by Andy Williams (I realize this isn't the most traditional of Christmas songs, but I play it every year to kick off the season, if only because I think the phrase "hoop dee doo and dickery dock" is hilarious). Personally, I'll hold off on the festivities until Black Friday. It only makes sense; Black Friday is the official start of the Christmas shopping season, and it's the day after the last major holiday before Christmas. If you do it that way, you don't encroach on any other holidays' turf, and you still get about a month's worth of Christmas cheer. Plus, you save me the annoyance of having to listen to Christmas music before I'm in the mood for it. It is, as Michael Scott would say, a win-win-win situation.

So there's your pet peeve for the week, the first of many to come, and in the future they'll arguably be much more vehement than this. Starting Christmas early does annoy me, but not nearly so much as a myriad of other things in pop culture, but since it's Black Friday, this seemed like a good time to showcase my views on the subject. Incidentally, since it is Black Friday, and the Christmas season has officially started, I will leave you with a treat:



-Billy

A Special Holiday Message From Will Smith

Thursday, November 26, 2009 | | | 0 comments |

"HAPPY FANKSGIVIN"

Happy Thanksgiving!!

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Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours wherever you may be.


Enjoy the day, and of course, the 1 year anniversary of this:

Battle Royale Presents: Bad Call of the Week

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Welcome friends to our inaugural installment of "Battle Royale Bad Call of the Week", where we will examine some of the more questionable choices made during the week.

I thought about using this space to give my thoughts on the Adam Lambert fiasco that is hot news around the town, but I decided against it due to the incessant commentary. (In a nutshell here are my thoughts: Obviously America doesn't have a huge problem with sexually diverse artists, see: Elton John, Freddie Mercury, but Lambert pushed the bounds of decency too far, he needs to realize he is an entertainer, and entertainers need fans. It's usually a good idea to build a good rep behind you before you go and start controversy. Lambert doesn't have the rep that say, Eminem does, he won't get the same groundswell of support if he continues to cross the line.)

So, rather than comment on Lambert, I decided to tackle a different pop star's questionable moves, Miley Cyrus.

Now, while Miley obviously has had her share of controversy (between the Annie Leibovitz photo shoot and her own personal photo shoots) she also hasn't been quite the train wreck that some previous young pop stars have been. She seems to have gotten through the controversy better than Vanessa Hudgens got through hers, and of course, there is always Lindsay Lohan there to make everyone else look better.

However, Miley has had a rough week. First, of course came the tragic accident that claimed the life of one of the tour drivers. A sad occurrence, and one that Miley obviously had nothing to do with. However, later came reports that Miley ripped into a fast food worker when he failed to recognize her when she placed her order. You can get away with saying "do you know who I am" when you are Jerry Seinfeld on Larry King, it doesn't go over so well when you are an underage pop princess who thinks she is important.

However, for the truly Bad Call of the Week. We turn to Miley's recently released comments about the Twilight series. In a Tuesday interview on Sirius Satellite Radio, Miley commented that she feels the Twilight craze is "a cult" and that "people get too into it".

As opposed to Hannah Montana...

Now, I'm not a Twilight fan, and It's tough for me to defend a film franchise that is vastly overrated, but Miley may want to rethink some things here. First of all, many people (myself included) could say: "excuse me, Miss Cyrus, but weren't you also the benefactor of a huge craze among young people, who viewed you and your brand with the same psychotic love that the Twilight series now generates?"

Hannah Montana was as much of a pointless craze as the current Twilight craze is, and seemingly Miley has forgotten this fact.

Secondly, I'm not a huge fan of throwing the word "cult" around about actors in a movie. There is a big difference between Rob Pattinson playing a Vampire in a movie, and the tragedies that were "Heaven's Gate" and Jim Jones and his Kool Aid. I may not be a big fan of the Twilight movies, but I realize that they are indeed just movies, and not some sort of nefarious scheme to take over the minds of teenage girls.

He drinks blood, not Kool Aid...

Overall, the last two incidents have made Miley come across as prissy, and self-important. Those qualities have a habit of leading to bad things in young female pop stars. Miley would do better to imitate the easy-going, down-to-earth style of Taylor Swift, rather than the self-important ways that plagued Britney, Paris, and Lindsay.

So, Miley Cyrus, you get the first Battle Royale Bad Call of the Week, here's hoping you manage to stay off the list in the future.


-Latin

The Review Column: New Moon

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Today, for the first entry in our weekly review series, I will be examining The Twilight Saga: New Moon. For all you Twihards out there who were well pleased that Taylor Lautner was lauded as Personality of the Week yesterday, buckle up, because you're in for a ride here.


Let me start off by giving you an inclination as to how I felt about the first Twilight movie: it was, in a word, bad. That's not to say it wasn't entertaining; surely I was intrigued by where the story was taking me, and it held my attention for the duration of its two hour run. Upon a second viewing, however, once I already knew everything that was going to happen, I couldn't help but notice how poorly it was made. The editing was choppy, the shot composition left something to be desired (a few too many extreme close-ups, if you ask me), the direction was sub-par, and the acting was pretty stinkish. I did get a good laugh out of Edward's initial reaction upon seeing Bella though. And vampire baseball? In postproduction, somebody must have thought "This concept on its face isn't quite ludicrous enough. I know... let's play 'Supermassive Black Hole' by Muse over the scene. That should make it suitably ridiculous." I won't even get into any of the other absurdities, but I can say that in a movie full of unintentional humor and bored actors, Billy Burke as Charlie Swan and his bits of comic relief were just that: a welcome relief. Ultimately, Twilight was a reasonably engaging but poorly produced story. But enough about the first movie.

I found that, in some areas where Twilight failed, New Moon succeeded. For example, the acting wasn't quite as bad this time around; Robert Pattinson wasn't a total spaz and, at points, seemed to actually care about what was going on. For most of his time onscreen, though, he was his normal aloof self. Kristen Stewart put in what was probably the best performance of her life; at times it almost seemed like she too was more than just a drugged-out robot. Maybe it's just the moody tone of the movie or the brooding natures of the roles, but both Pattinson and Stewart rarely show any emotion via facial expressions, which gives their characters all the personality of two dry chunks of wood. In Pattinson's defense, I think it may just be the role, because I saw a trailer before the movie in which he was featured, and he seemed pretty animated. Stewart, on the other hand, may as well have been playing Bella Swan when she starred in Adventureland, so I'm guessing her interest deficiency is rooted either in her acting ability or her own natural personality.


This is Bella's pensive face. It's also her happy face,
angry face, excited face, sad face, shocked face,
embarrassed face, relieved face, and hungry face.

Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black was also featured much more prominently in New Moon, and as I've already said, he's actually interesting and fun to watch. His character is real and human, someone you can actually relate to, which makes his time on screen that much more valuable than Edward's. Incidentally, Edward spends about half the movie away in Italy, which is just great, because Jacob's dynamic with Bella is far more engrossing than her surreal relationship with Edward.

The biggest problem with New Moon is that, even though it upped the quality a little bit in a few departments, it actually fails in most of the places where Twilight succeeded. My major complaint is that the pacing... in New Moon... is sooooooooooo... slooooooooooow. They took an hour and a half worth of movie and stretched it out to two hours and ten minutes by riddling the dialogue with a mind-bending number of pregnant pauses. Did I mention that there is a veritable metric ton of dialogue? Then there's the plot progression. In the first movie, a setting was established and events were moved forward, however angstily. Bella moves to Forks, Washington, makes friends, meets Edward Cullen, develops an awkward fixation for him, is conflicted by said fixation, learns he's a vampire, struggles to wrap her mind around that fact, spends quality time with his oddly accommodating family, and then, in the most interesting 20 minutes or so, gets chased by a gang of evil vampires who have been hunting people and sucking their blood before being cornered and caught in the middle of a relatively cool vampire fight scene. In New Moon... well, we find out that Jacob is a werewolf. And about half an hour in, after Edward leaves, Bella and Jacob talk. A lot. A majority of the movie is a giant DTR (that's "define the relationship," kids) conversation between Bella and Jacob... and this, aside from the few werewolf action scenes, is the most interesting stuff that happens in the whole film (again, thanks in large part to Taylor Lautner).

Effectively though, I can't really figure out exactly what happened in New Moon that warranted making it its own installment. Aside from the conflicting signals that Bella consistently gave Jacob, the revelation that Jacob was part of a really cool unit of werewolves, and Edward running off to Italy to be an emo kid, basically nothing really happened at all. In fact, speaking of Italy, I don't even know what bearing that sequence had on the rest of the movie. I could plop New Moon into Windows Movie Maker, completely cut out the entire half hour chunk where they go to Italy to see the Volturi, and the continuity of the film would be totally unaffected (if I did that, though, you'd miss out on Dakota Fanning's glorified cameo, wherein she stared intensely at Edward for a few moments). If they don't introduce zombies as another movie monster faction in Eclipse and build up to some kind of apocalyptic war between all these groups, I'm not really sure where this story is gonna go.


Charlie Swan's backyard in Breaking Dawn (fingers crossed)

Upon my initial viewing of New Moon, I decided it was better than Twilight, and by and large, the production quality actually was improved. After digesting it for a while, though, I've concluded that the reason I liked it more at first was because Jacob is just a cooler character than Edward, and this movie features Jacob. The film achieves very little in the area of plot progression, the pacing is way too slow, and it failed to draw me in, even in the capacity that the first one did.

The Verdict:

AWESOME
Sweet
Okay
Meh
Poopy



-Billy

Bonus Thanksgiving Post of the Week

Wednesday, November 25, 2009 | | | 0 comments |
I thought about leaving this bonus post until Thursday morning, but then I decided that none of you are going to be worrying about this blog when there are parades, turkey, and football to be enjoyed. So I decided to post this for Wednesday, so you all can be prepared for the Thanksgiving Day festivities.


I'm a pretty avid football fan, so for me, half of the fun of Thanksgiving is watching the annual football games that take place on this great holiday. Most of you probably know that every year the Lions and the Cowboys play on Thanksgiving, this year the Lions take on NFC North foe Green Bay, and the Cowboys get a slightly lesser opponent in the Oakland Raiders. Some of you though, may not know that in 2006 the NFL added a third, evening game to the Thanksgiving slate. This game does not have a set team that takes part, and is broadcast on NFL network, so most of you probably haven't ever seen this third game take place. This year, the evening game features the Denver Broncos and the New York Giants.

You probably have the TV schedule memorized by now, it rarely seems to change, but here is a very basic rundown.

The parade starts at 9:00 am, pretty much on all major stations, possibly excluding FOX. After it ends, ABC and CBS pretty much wave the white flag while Fox dominates the first 4 hours of football. NBC goes for the alternative for women route, with the National Dog Show. Undoubtedly, this will cause marital strife in many houses, as wives will see the cute puppies come on at noon, and next thing they know they will be staring at Terry Bradshaw's bald head. CBS takes over football duties at 4 pm. Fox counters with Ice Skating and inspirational cancer survivor Scott Hamilton, meaning some young men in America will have to truly ask themselves "what would Brian Boitano do?" ABC continues to wave the white flag, going with their regular "Rachel Ray" programming. NBC has an interesting game plan, they start with big headed animals (Macy's Parade), then go to cute animals (Dog show), then animal doctors (Dr. Dolittle), and then at 4 they come full circle and go with big headed doctors (Dr. Phil). At 8 the magic really starts to happen. NFL network gets the Giants-Broncos, NBC goes with an Office rerun, ESPN has college football, Fox goes with Night at the Museum, and ABC goes with old steadfast Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Also, the cable channels start breaking out the Christmas movies in the evening, and finally, in perhaps the most interesting choice of all, AMC runs a "Godfather Trilogy" marathon all day starting at 7:30 am, and going throughout the night. For those of you manly men staying up all night before the Black Friday madness, you can pick up the second run of the trilogy starting at 8 pm.


"I'm thankful for the family..."



So that's pretty much how the TV schedule pans out Thursday, pick your spots wisely.


And now, for a little bonus action, I'm going to get all fancy and pick the spreads for Thursday's NFL action.


Packers (-10.5) over LIONS

In all the hubbub about Matt Stafford's gutsy touchdown pass with a separated shoulder last Sunday, people seem to be forgetting that the Lions gave up 37 points to a terrible Browns team. Aaron Rodgers and Greg Jennings are better than Brady Quinn and Mohammed Massaquoi, and to further put the nail in the coffin, Stafford and Calvin Johnson are doubtful for Thursday, uh oh.

Packers 38, Lions 17



Raiders (+13.5) over COWBOYS

Make no mistake, the Cowboys will win this game, but this is a Dallas team that scored a grand total of 7 points against the Redskins on Sunday, and this Oakland defense isn't half bad when their offense can stay on the field. Bruce Gradkowski will keep the Raiders offense at least partially respectable, and that will keep the scoring low.

Cowboys 21, Raiders 10


Giants (-6.5) over BRONCOS

The Giants defense can't stop anyone, luckily, the Broncos offense can't score. Denver has been in a terrible rut, and the last loss to San Diego was disheartening. Meanwhile, while the Giants still have much to figure out on defense, Eli Manning and the passing attack have them right in the middle of the NFC East race. New York lost a heartbreaker to San Diego 2 weeks ago, Denver lost to San Diego by 29 on Sunday.

Giants 24, Broncos 17


Ok, folks, there it is, your bonus Thanksgiving post, don't get greedy now and expect bonus posts all the time, give thanks for what you are given.


-Latin

Chris's Corner: The Workplace

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Howdy folks, I haven't written here before, so I'll just present a brief little introduction before I launch my topic of "discussion" for today. My name is Chris, and I'll be acting as a guest columnist of sorts because heck, I've got my fair share of opinions on the content and impact of popular culture. I've been given a bit more freedom from the strictures of pre-defined topics, which means I'll probably be a little more aloof than my ambitious cohorts. So sit down, cross your legs, and join me in Chris's Corner.

Today I awoke from my third consecutive night of dreams involving working at Kmart to the idea for this post: the workplace mystique. There's something about work that has a certain intrigue, despite the general negative outlook the vast majority of people have towards jobs. Everyone has to work at some time or another; it's one of those universal bonds of humanity. As a result, it comes up rather frequently in popular culture.

Just stop and think for a second about the fictional portrayal of "work." I put the term in quotes because we all use that extremely generic language to describe a massive range of different things, from answering telephone calls to checking whether numbers add up properly. When I say "work," I simply mean that ambiguous place where people go almost every day. Most of the time, work goes more or less unnoticed in fiction. Typically I don't think, for instance, while watching an episode of House, that all these people are at work, doing their jobs. No, the focus is on whatever conflict the episode contains (aside: I don't watch much of House myself, but it struck me as a good example). I don't worry during Heroes about whether or not Matt Parkman is employed as a police officer anymore, either. And the same principle applies to school; to pick a particularly powerful example (in my opinion), for all of the thousands of pages making up the Harry Potter series, consider just how little we know about the class content and the homework at Hogwarts. It barely gets a mention, and yet it is an enormous plot device. The examples are numerous; I could go on for several more paragraphs.

I think we've all felt this way at one point or another


Of course, there are those instances in which special attention is paid to the workplace. Randall Graves may be the only one of us who stops to think about the individual contractors and construction workers aboard the Death Star, but sometimes the workplace is so prominent that we can't avoid thinking about it. How often is that presentation humorous? Almost always; I can think of one example where it more or less is not intended to be funny, but I'll get to that.

In movies like Clerks (and its sequel, Clerks II), and Office Space, and TV shows like The Office, we get a special treatment to some of the more specific aspects of working environments. Even in these, though, the nagging reality is present: apparently no one actually knows what goes on at work. At first, you might say to yourself, "That's just because if all they showed was work being done, it would be mind-numbingly boring." I agree wholeheartedly, but having now worked in both an office setting and a retail setting (pretty close to the characters in those pieces of fiction), I have realized another truth. I can describe to you just what my job requirements are, and I can tell amusing stories from work, but when I try to remember what I actually did at work, I come up completely blank. Maybe this is just me, but I suspect otherwise.

The workplace mystique is just that: for all the hours and hours I've put into working (and I not nearly as many as some people my age), I can boil most of it down to enough content to fit into a movie or several episodes of a television series. I have to give credit to the designers of The Sims. I don't know whether they realized it or not, but they captured the workplace mystique just beautifully. While jobs and career advancement are major focal elements of the games in the series, the actual work day flits by in artificially sped-up time, and we never get to see what goes on there at all. We only get snatches from the way the characters dress from work and the occasional bonus choices that crop up now and then.

For being so important to our lives, and for playing a large role in characterization, setting, and plot advancement in fiction, we really don't know a whole lot about the workplace. The next time you sit down to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or even play The Sims, try to look at it with a critical eye in this regard, and I think you'll see just what I mean. And by the way, I recommend every title that I've mentioned above. If you haven't delved into any one of them, certainly do so; it's well worth your time.

-Chris

Personality of the Week: Taylor Lautner

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Every week we'll be choosing one individual (real or otherwise) as our Battle Royale Personality of the Week. On this fine Wednesday, I get to do the honors by selecting the inaugural personality. The first person to receive this lofty award is none other than every teenage girl's favorite werewolf, Taylor Lautner.

Left: Taylor Lautner
Right: The reason I chose this picture

But what makes Taylor Lautner worthy of such high-profile praise? The reasoning for my decision was based on the following principles:

1. New Moon is kind of a big deal
If you haven't heard, The Twilight Saga: New Moon (to use its full name for formality's sake once in this post) pulled in 140.7 million dollars in the U.S. in its opening weekend, placing it third on the all time list behind The Dark Knight and Spider-Man 3. Thanks to an army of rabid female fans, Taylor was part of a project that was about $17.8 million away from making history. Just being associated with something like that is enough to raise awareness, but being one of the stars helped secure his title this week. I haven't actually seen New Moon yet (I'm going today, and I'm sure I'll have plenty to say about it, in due time), but honestly, at this point it doesn't really matter whether or not it's even any good, at least for the purposes of this award; it's become a cultural phenomenon of which Taylor Lautner is a part.

2. He was the best thing about Twilight
Someone please tell me why "Team Edward" even exists. Who in their right mind would pick a pasty, prissy, metrosexual vampire toolbag who perpetually seems either bored or confused by his surroundings and spends much of his time making sure his hair has that perfectly messed-up look over a down-to-earth, naturally friendly guy who is secretly a werewolf? What's that you say? Edward sparkles in sunlight? Shame on me for forgetting that most paramount of vampire characteristics, that makes ALL the difference. But seriously, even from a the standpoint of a potential heterosexual friend, Jacob Black is way more likeable (not to mention approachable) than Edward Cullen, and though he had only a small part in the first film, he stood out to me as the most interesting thing about it. The only downside to Jacob in Twilight was that his hair was ludicrously long, but they rectified that for New Moon, so all is well. I realize that all the things I just detailed are traits of the characters played by Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, not of the actors themselves, but then again, I think part of the reason that Edward Cullen looked so bored/confused throughout the movie was because Robert Pattinson's not that great of an actor. Taylor Lautner, on the other hand, gave me at least a believeable performance.

3. His acting abilities don't limit him to playing werewolves
Don't try and typecast Taylor Lautner as one type of human/animal hybrid:

Exhibit A

4. He's dating Taylor Swift
This one's a no-brainer. I mean come on, it's Taylor Swift. Not only is she beautiful (albeit freakishly tall), but she's winning every award imaginable (I mean sure, she hasn't gotten the Battle Royale Personality of the Week award yet, but we gotta take this thing one Taylor at a time). As a guy, I have to give major props to the one who can rein in Taylor Swift, and the fact that they share a first name just gives them extra novelty points.

And there you have it. If you don't think those reasons are good enough, go soak a rope in kerosene (all this early Christmas spirit is apparently getting to me). Next week you'll get to see Danny Latin's first pick for Battle Royale Personality of the Week, but we've got plenty more coming for you in the days before then, so don't forget to gather all your friends and come back tomorrow.

-Billy

Weekly Wish List: God of War Collection- PS3

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Every Wednesday, we are going to give you a quick peek at some of the items that pop up on our wish lists. This week I chose to focus on the just released "God of War Collection" for the Playstation 3.

In order to build up excitement for the upcoming God of War 3 which comes out March 31st, 2010, Sony has combined the first and second God of War games into a single blu-ray disc, and has released the games (which were previously only available on PS2) for the surging PS3.

While Sony will undoubtedly catch some sales from consumers who previously had played the games on PS2, and decide to repurchase the game because of the remastered HD quality, or the ability to play on the PS3, most likely Sony aimed this maneuver at PS3 owners who have not played the earlier release of the games, enticing them with a relatively tiny price tag of $35 for the collection. In essence, PS3 owners get 2 new games for half the price of 1 regular new game, and Sony gets a whole new generation hooked on the series so when God of War 3 comes out in March, those same people will pay $60 (or $90 for the ultimate edition) for the game.

Well, I happen to fall into that category. I never owned a PS2, and while I watched Billy blow through the games numerous times during our college years, I never picked the game up myself. However, the prospect of 2 of the highest rated games in Playstation history, both new to me, for only $35, and as an exclusive for my beloved PS3, has me hooked completely.



Pictured: Awesomeness


Early reviews of the collection have been nearly universally positive. The upconvert to HD quality has been praised for looking nearly as good as a new PS3 release, and the improved framerate quality improves gameplay and feel.

The story and bonus features remain untouched, the gameplay is exactly the same as the PS2 releases, so fans of the franchise can relax about Sony tweaking the game needlessly. Overall, if you consider yourself so much a fan of the franchise that you feel the need for an upgrade, or if you are looking for a solid franchise to dive into at a steep discount, you would be hard pressed to find a better deal right now than the God of War Collection for PS3.

And that's your wish list for the week.


-Latin

Tuesday's Testosterone Alley: Mustache Edition

Tuesday, November 24, 2009 | | | 0 comments |
For as long as there have been men, there has been the mustache. We may never know which man among boys first decided to shave all the hair off of his face EXCEPT for the wispy strands beneath his nose. Perhaps he was distracted in the middle of his morning shave and walked out of his hut with the glory of his mustache in full view of his tribe. Or perhaps it was a cold calculated decision, designed to make himself a king among the nations. Whatever it was, for centuries men have copied and adapted his style, here are some of the best, and the worst.


1. "The Larry Bird"



Wispy and faint, this mustache is low on manliness and style. To date, Larry Legend is the only man to have any success rocking this look. This look can also be called the "Girl 'Stache".

Also sported by: Weird Al Yankovic, John Heder

Style: 1/10
Manliness: 1/10
Track Record: 3/10


2. "The Geraldo Rivera"



Basically the "Captain Morgan" without the accompanying goatee. The "Geraldo" is for the man who thinks he is a devilish rogue, but doesn't have the guts to go for it all.

Also Sported by: Freddie Mercury, Mario

Style: 4/10
Manliness: 3/10
Track Record: 2/10


3. "The Salvador Dali"



Greased and styled, the "Dali" is thin and waxed, favored by those trying to standout and give off the oddball impression. Make no mistake though, it takes some serious talent to grow one of these.

Also Sported by: Rollie Fingers, Captain Hook

Style: 6/10
Manliness: 3/10
Track Record: 4/10


4. "The Alex Trebek"



Full but neat, graying but manly, distinguished but roguish, the "Trebek" is a staple of lively gentlemen who still have that devilish spryness about them.

Also Sported by: Dick Van Dyke, Mike Ditka

Style: 6/10
Manliness: 5/10
Track Record: 5/10


5. "The Yanni"



Full but groomed, the Yanni is more civilized than its brothers "The Selleck" and "The Geraldo". "The Yanni" looks like it was just pulled out of the prop closet and neatly put in place 5 minutes ago.

Also Sported by: Peter Sellers, Robert Goulet

Style: 7/10
Manliness: 6/10
Track Record: 4/10


6. "The Captain Morgan"



A favorite of rebels and scallywags, the "Captain Morgan" features a styled mustache paired with a pointed, thin goatee for a full effect that is equal parts devil and hero.

Also Sported by: Mel Gibson, Mickey Rourke

Style: 8/10
Manliness: 7/10
Track Record: 3/10


7. "The Clark Gable"



Neat and minimalist, The "Gable" is not as wispy or wild as the "Larry Bird", but is understated and mature. The choice of classic ladies men. The "Gable" sacrifices full-on manliness for style and sophistication.

Also Sported by: Errol Flynn, Brad Pitt

Style: 8/10
Manliness: 5/10
Track Record: 6/10


8. "The Lando Calrissian"



The choice of solid black men for decades, the "Lando" is dignified and strong. A sign of power and a sharp dressed man.

Also Sported by: Eddie Murphy, Carl Weathers

Style: 7/10
Manliness: 7/10
Track Record: 8/10


9. "The Burt Reynolds"



Burt has a history with the mustache that no one else can match. He has experimented with style after style, adapting with age. The classic "Reynolds" is a slightly overgrown "Yanni" with a downward turn. He also has sported the "Selleck" and the "Trebek" over the years, giving him a place in the mustache history books.

Also Sported by: No one else, it's just Burt.

Style: 8/10
Manliness: 9/10
Track Record: 8/10


10. "The Tom Selleck"



A legend among mustaches, "The Selleck" is bold and proud. It aspires to one day be as strong as its big brother "The Elliot", but in the meantime "The Selleck" is a formidable force of its own.

Also Sported by: Dale Earnhardt, Daniel Day Lewis

Style: 8/10
Manliness: 9/10
Track Record: 9/10


11. "The Sam Elliot"



Here it is folks, the king of the mustache. Perhaps not as culturally important as "The Selleck" or "The Reynolds", but in terms of pure testosterone, nobody beats Sam Elliot and his magnificent 'stache.

Also Sported by: Captain Crunch, Wilford Brimley

Style: 10/10
Manliness: 10/10
Track Record: 10/10



There it is folks, apologies to "The Hitler", "The Groucho", and "The Borat" for just missing this list.


That's all for today, check us out tomorrow, same time, same place.


-Latin

Over/Under: Fountains of Wayne

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In this weekly column, we'll be discussing an element of pop culture that is either over- or underrated (hence the name, Over/Under. You know you're dealing with some real wordplay pros when you come across a clever title like that). Today's subject: the vastly underrated Fountains of Wayne.



I've never exactly understood why Fountains of Wayne aren't way more popular. Personally, I've been a huge fan since 2003, when they enjoyed their brief flirtation with real mainstream fame. Now I'm guessing that some (or many, or maybe even most) of you are currently thinking "Who/what are Fountains of Wayne?" Allow me to inject a personal anecdote which may clear things up: in mid-fall of 2003, I happened to fall asleep with the radio on one Saturday night when I went to bed, and when I woke up, the American Top 40 was on. As I lay in bed, still half-asleep, I could have sworn I heard a guy singing about being in love with somebody's mom. I sat up, listened more closely, and realized that I had heard correctly. The song's catchy guitar riff, which repeats throughout the song, is what had initially caught my sleep-hazed attention, but its novel premise is what really drew me in. I thought, "I have to find out what the name of this song is, who plays it, and I need to hear more by that band." As it turns out, it was none other than 'Stacy's Mom' by Fountains of Wayne. This is the part where people normally go "Ooooh yeah, I know that song. I never knew the name of the band that did it though." If you still don't know what I'm talking about, you must live under a very large rock and don't need to read any further. Sadly, Stacy's Mom ultimately granted Fountains of Wayne "one hit wonder" status and nothing more.

I'm sure most of you out there have already seen the video for Stacy's Mom, so I'll showcase another, lesser-known piece of FoW's work, the music video for the lead single 'Someone to Love' off their fourth studio album, Traffic and Weather. I can't embed the video, since its distributors apparently want to be particularly stingy, but I will supply you with the link here (see if you can't spot Demetri Martin):

'Someone to Love' Music Video

The big question I have is how can a band like Weezer become so popular, but FoW gets left out in the cold? Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of Weezer, I'm just a bigger fan of FoW, and it seems like I'm one of the only ones in the world. The two bands share similar "power pop" styles (though I don't want to pigeon-hole FoW into the genre of pop rock, because they are actually capable of covering a wide variety of musical styles, showcased most prominently between 1999's Utopia Parkway and 2003's Welcome Interstate Managers), so the only thing I can think of is the difference in lyrical content. Weezer's body of work primarily pertains to social and relationship issues, whereas Fountains of Wayne have a large collection of vignettes about average, every day, middle class American life. This, of course, includes dealing with the ups and downs of romantic relationships, but among the myriad of other subjects are songs about being stuck in traffic, going to work at a dead-end job, high schoolers throwing a house-trashing party while their parents are away, alcoholic salesmen, football quarterbacks, irritating technological gadgets, and wishing to be home with loved ones after being away for too long. Some of this may sound mundane, but therein lies the brilliance: when you can write a song about a mundane experience, and make it a really good song to listen to, then you've got some talent. There doesn't always need to be layers of deep, complex, hidden meanings within a song's lyrics; sometimes it's good to have a fun piece of music that your average human being can relate to just because they're familiar with the subject matter. Take The Beatles, for example. They wrote a brilliant song about wanting to hold a girl's hand. That's all there was to it, and it's a great, classic song. Fountains of Wayne's catalog is full of pieces of good, solid, relatable music like that, but since most people never bother to check out their work beyond 'Stacy's Mom,' the public is generally unaware, and I think that's a shame.

If you enjoyed 'Someone to Love,' or if you're intrigued by anything I've said so far and want to hear more, then as an added bonus, I've already done some of your work for you. The band has a MySpace page for each of their most recent albums where you can listen to any song from that album in its entirety. I've linked the page for each album below, starting with my favorite album first, and listed the two best tracks from each one so you have an idea of where to start. For each album I've listed one upbeat song followed by a slow song, and I didn't include 'Stacy's Mom' or 'Someone to Love' on these lists since by this point you've likely already heard both of those.

Welcome Interstate Managers (2003)
Mexican Wine
Fire Island

Out-of-State Plates (2005)
The Girl I Can't Forget
...Baby One More Time

Traffic and Weather (2007)
Hotel Majestic
I-95

If any of this strikes your fancy, check out 'Valley Winter Song' and 'Hackensack' from Welcome Interstate Managers, 'New Routine' and 'Fire in the Canyon' from Traffic and Weather... heck, check them all out, you won't be disappointed.

-Billy

Weekly Glance Back: Great Characters in Cinematic History

Monday, November 23, 2009 | | | 0 comments |

Every Monday we will take the opportunity to glance both at what is upcoming in pop culture, as well as peer back at some of the biggest names, films, and fads that have dominated the headlines from years past. One week we may look at celebrity power couples from decades ago, another week we may look at some of the biggest toy crazes that the nation has known.

This week we start a series detailing our love (or hatred) of classic movies characters. We start this week with everyone's favorite bumbling detective, Jacques Clouseau.


Clouseau, of course, is the protagonist of the Pink Panther films. A creation of Blake Edwards, and more prominently, Peter Sellers.

For what it's worth, I regard Sellers as possibly the funniest man to ever have walked the earth. While I'm quite sure many would offer counter claims, I'm equally sure I'm not the only one to feel this way. In the same vein, Clouseau is undoubtedly Sellers' most enduring character. Many feel his performance in "Dr. Strangelove" as a host of memorable characters, is his best performance, and one can hardly argue, however, Clouseau is his most repeated and imitated performance.


Here is a collector's insight into the Pink Panther series:

"The Pink Panther"
1963

Ironically, it was never intended for Clouseau to be such a star. Edwards intended the star of his "Pink Panther" films (named after a diamond which appears in roughly half of the movies to date), to be Sir David Niven, who played the jewel thief "The Phantom" in the 1963 original. Sellers played Clouseau, the idiot French detective who serves as the Phantom's bumbling antagonist. Seller's natural comedy and charisma stole the show away from Niven, and changed the tone of the entire series.


"A Shot in the Dark"

1964

Sellers began to develop his character into the over-the-top idiot that he eventually became. Enter Seller's ridiculous accent, and the beginnings of the trademark physical humor, as well as the introduction of a memorable supporting cast including Herbert Lom and Burt Kwouk.


"Return of the Pink Panther"

1975

After 10 years away from the series, and an ill-advised Alan Arkin reboot, Sellers and Edwards return with a vengeance. "Return" again focuses on the theft of the diamond, and gives even more air time to Sellers and Kwouk and their wacky antics.


"The Pink Panther Strikes Again"

1976

In my opinion, this is easily the best and most humorous of the "Panther" films. It features a comically absurd plot and a resolution which was hilarious in its finality. In fact, this movie so altered the canon of the series, that the next "Panther" film was forced to completely ignore the movie and revert back to "Return". Herbert Lom and Burt Kwouk are at their best in this film, and Sellers uses his mastery of physical comedy to perfection. His interrogation of the Castle staff remains some of the funniest stuff ever captured on camera.


"Revenge of the Pink Panther"

1978

While "Revenge" had to ignore the previous installment of the series to maintain any kind of continuity with the series, it still remains one of the better movies of the bunch, this would unfortunately by the last "Pink Panther" film for Sellers, as he would pass away due to a heart attack in 1980.


"Trail of the Pink Panther"

1982

Edwards filmed this as a tribute to Sellers, using unused clips from previous "Panther" films. It follows the story of a female reporter who searches for Clouseau and the diamond when both go missing suspiciously. While meant as a tribute to Sellers, without him the film falls flat on its face, and marks the beginning of dark days for the "Panther" series.

"Curse of the Pink Panther"
1983

In an attempted re-boot with Ted Wass as a new bumbling detective, Edwards tested the waters without Sellers, featuring Clouseau only in a cameo as a "disfigured" Roger Moore. The film was a disaster, however, Moore is quite funny in his limited scenes.


"Son of the Pink Panther"

1993

A decade later, Edwards tried again to revive the series without Sellers, this time with Roberto Benigni as Clousea's illegitimate son. As before, without Sellers neither critics nor audiences payed much attention, and rightfully so. This would mark Edwards' last foray into the series as it would later be rebooted without him.


"The Pink Panther" and "The Pink Panther 2"

2006 and 2009

Recently, Steve Martin was cast as Clouseau in a modern take on the "Panther" franchise. Martin has become a similar master of physical comedy, and his casting as Clouseau seemed natural for a reboot of the franchise. The reboot proved to be a relative success, due to Martin's considerable appeal and talent, as well as new target audience and therefore themes. Gone are Clouseau's bed-hopping ways. Gone is the over the top insanity of Dreyfuss, and the transgender criminals of Clouseau's past. The series undoubtedly has been dumbed down for a younger generation, and will most likely stay there permanently. While Martin is a passable Clouseau, and does not insult the series as previous incarnations have done, it is no small thing that Edwards commented that Sellers was the one and only Jacques Clouseau.


For those that have merely seen Martin's adaptation of the series, I encourage you to investigate the originals. The non-Sellers adaptations can be dismissed and ignored, however, the '63 original, "Shot in the Dark", "Return", Strikes Again", and "Revenge" are all worthy additions to a netflix queue (or for that matter a DVD collection), though if you doubt your ability to get through all 5, the first two can be passed over with little problem, and one can jump right into "Return" and "Strikes Again". If you find yourself watching "Strikes Again" and cannot seem to crack a smile, I implore you to visit the doctor and diagnose what happened to your sense of humor.

With all that said, we leave you to the rest of your Monday, be sure to check in tomorrow for something completely different.

Monday Morning Pathfinder: Toy Story 3

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What better way to begin this blog than with a post about my favorite animated franchise of all time? Today, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be looking ahead to Toy Story 3 to be released on June 18th, 2010. If you haven't yet seen it, check out the trailer now:



When I first saw the trailer for this movie before the Toy Story/Toy Story 2 3D Double Feature back in October, I nearly peed my pants in excitement. Up until I saw that double feature, I had a little trouble deciding which of the two Toy Stories I liked better. During the second movie, however, I realized that Toy Story 2 is in fact the better movie, and from the looks of this trailer, Toy Story 3 has the potential to be the best of the series. That's no small accomplishment, considering the fact that Toy Story 2 (followed closely by the first) is the best animated film ever made (regarding all the buzz about Up, I haven't seen it so I can't weigh in on it; I'll let you know what I think when I do see it).

There was talk of an earlier draft of the movie being focused around a Buzz Lightyear recall and the toys' journey to Japan to rescue Buzz, but as much as I thought that could be cool and funny, it sounded a little too much like the main storyline of Toy Story 2 with a different plot device. I think it's appropriate, now that 10 and a half years will have passed between sequels at the time of 3's release, that Andy is now college age, and I'm curious to see how the toys themselves respond to being dumped off at a daycare, since the theme of being forgotten and given away by the children who loved them was discussed often in 2. My only minor complaint is that the younger Andy in this trailer doesn't exactly look a whole lot like the Andy I remember from the first two movies. Sure, the technology has gotten better and Pixar has certainly improved their animation skills, but even though he does look more "realistic," something seems a little off about his appearance... "chubby" isn't quite the right word, but he looks a little more rounded.

The main cast has returned for this film, barring the late Jim Varney, who has been succeeded by Blake Clark. I'm torn on this; I'm never a fan of recasting, and I think the situation was handled well in the animated short featured before Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins (a great movie in its own right, if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it). In that clip, all the major characters from the Toy Story series had speaking parts except for Slink, who just moved about and gestured when appropriate, and I think that worked perfectly fine. On the other hand, it's easier to hide a character's silence in a 3 minute animated short than it is in a feature length film. The only way to avoid recasting Slink would have been to cut him out of the movie completely, and that's not a good idea either. From what I've heard, Blake Clark sounds enough like Jim Varney to get the job done, and I suppose that's all I can ask for. One of the most promising things I see on the cast list is Michael Keaton as Ken; I think this has potential to be really funny. If you asked me to put a voice to Ken, I'd be more likely to go with Cary Elwes, but that's just my personal preference, and Keaton is a solid choice.

It seems like the great adventure of this movie is going to be the escape from the day care, and I wonder just where they plan on going once they do get out; perhaps, in a Brave Little Toaster-esque scenario, to find Andy? The malfunctioning, Spanish speaking Buzz Lightyear looks mildly amusing, but I have a feeling it could get old quickly. The way the fake Buzz led them through Al's Toy Barn and the apartment building was one of the funniest things about Toy Story 2, so the idea of "resetting" him could be humorous enough, but the language barrier might keep it from being truly hilarious, and if it goes on for too long it could get downright annoying. The rest of the charming humor incorporated in the first two films looks to be intact, however, and I look forward to seeing how Andy's toys interact with the new toys they meet in the day care.

I'm doubtful that there will be a fourth installment in this series, so this will probably be the last we see of Woody, Buzz, and the gang. I can't wait to find out how it resolves and where the toys ultimately end up, but I'm sure wherever they go, it'll be a great ride. With all the elements in place for another superb piece of computer animated cinema, and being the second sequel to the film that started it all, Toy Story 3 is my most anticipated movie of 2010.

-Billy

Consider Yourself Warned

Sunday, November 22, 2009 | | | 0 comments |
Jean-Claude Van Damme says: "Be here on Monday, or else my
American Flag bicep will destroy you."

And There Aren't Even Any Side Effects

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What do movies, music, television, sports, internet phenomena, and all other facets of pop culture have in common?

I have impeccable taste in all of them.

If you're one of the millions of Americans who suffers from chronic interest in crappy entertainment, then you've come to the right place.

I'm Billy, and my commentary drops Monday morning.

Opening Day Extravaganza

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Well, here we are folks. Less than 24 hours away from the official groundbreaking of our new foray into the jungle of pop culture.

If anybody out there is not pumped up yet, then you need to grab a Mountain Dew, snap into a Slim Jim, take a time out with Twix, or use whatever other item of sustenance it takes to get you fired up, and snap the heck out of your lazy weekend doldrums.

You used to hate Monday mornings.....

Well now you are going to hate them slightly less.



-Latin

Welcome!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 | | | 0 comments |
Welcome to our new blog. We will officially start rolling out with our fantastic commentary on Monday, but this is just a little welcome message to get you excited.

So, tell your friends, your boss, your neighbors, your spouse, your secretary, the ugly guy in the cubicle across the hall, your old high school sweetheart, your grandparents, your 5th grade science teacher, and anyone else you can think of. We are going online Monday, and you better not miss out.