Internet Special Ed: How to Post A Comment

Greetings readers, and thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to slog your way through all the muck that's on the internet in order to land here at our site. Since you're here, you've demonstrated that you have the presence of mind to decide on a website and the fine motor control necessary to operate a mouse and keyboard. I have to assume, however, that past that point, you're all brain-dead.

The reason I say this is that 25 different people navigated to this page yesterday (we keep track) and, despite being prompted numerous times by both Danny and myself, not a SINGLE BURGER FLIPPING PERSON participated in our game. I can only assume it's because somewhere along the line, you were neglected by internet culture, and no one ever taught you how to post a comment. Well friends, since I'm the kind of person that likes to reach out and help the less fortunate, I'm gonna forego (that's a big word for "skip") today's scheduled topic (the Top 10 list) and teach you guys how to do just that. I know that actually reading a blog entry is much too difficult for some of you, so I'm going to use pictures as much as possible to assist your understanding.


Step 1: Locating the Comment Link

Look for the title of the post (for example, today's title is "Internet Special Ed: How to Post A Comment"). Underneath that will be a description of the day of the week, date, and time that it was posted, along with the name of the person who posted the blog and any tags included in the post (if you don't know what a "tag" is, don't worry... it's a fairly complex element of a blog, especially for people at your stage of learning, so we won't get into that here). Directly to the right of that will be a hyperlink (one of those things that, if you click on it, takes you somewhere else) that says how many comments there currently are on the post. If you're still confused, look for the big red arrow pointing to the circle in the picture below.





In case that zoomed in version of the screen doesn't provide an accurate enough frame of reference, I've located the comment link for you on the Big Page:






Step 2: Opening the Comment Box

Place your mouse over the words that denote how many comments already exist on the page (your mouse arrow should turn into a little hand with a pointing finger), and press down on the mouse button. This is called "clicking." It will take you to the page where you can type out your comment in a little white box that looks like this:




Step 3: Selecting a Username

A "username" is a fancy term for a nickname that other people can call you on the internet. Now that you've opened the comment box, you want to pick the username to use on this comment. If you have a Google ID, you can use that (mine is Billy the Kid, for example, and I use that name to post blogs). However, if you do not have one (and I will assume for the purposes of this tutorial that you do not), you can choose to post anonymously, or to post without putting a name down at all. In order to do so, click the little downward arrow to the right of where it says "comment as." This will bring down a drop-down menu where you can select your type of username.




Click "Anonymous," which is highlighted in blue in the above picture.




It's going to get a little more difficult after this, so let's take a break for a minute. Go into the kitchen and grab a juice box and some animal crackers, and take a short nap if you're feeling worn out. You're going to need to be in top form for the next step.




Step 4: Writing Your Comment

Click inside the white box. If you know how to type properly, arrange your fingers on the keyboard in the appropriate fashion. If not, just try to locate the right letters as you go along and press the keys down with your index finger (the one you use to pick your nose). This is where the hard part comes in. Now you have to think of something to type into the box. When you get an idea, start typing. Once you're done, the result should look something like this:

Note: Using an exclamation point (!) requires use of the Shift key.
This is recommended only for advanced users.

It is appropriate to leave a name, even if you post anonymously. To do so, just place a dash in front of your name as pictured above.


Step 5: Posting Your Comment

Your hard work is finally about to pay off! The only thing left to do is click the button that says Post Comment. Once you do so, your comment will appear on the page underneath the post, directly above the comment box. Congratulations! You're published on the internet!





Hopefully this tutorial has been helpful to all of you kids. I'd challenge you to leave a comment right now, but I know that after the strain of all that learning, you probably don't have the energy, so I'll just take my leave until Monday. Enjoy the weekend.

-Billy

The 1st Official "Battle Royale: Battle for the Box Office"

Alrighty friends, believe it or not, we work hard here at Battle Royale to bring you content that is fun and entertaining, now we are looking for you guys to get in on the action. We are going to start a game here at Battle Royale, a game that we will play every Thursday morning. We are calling it the "Battle Royale: Battle for the Box Office". Every Thursday, Billy and I will pick our top 5 projections for the upcoming weekend box office returns. We will rank our selections 1-5 and post them here on Thursday morning. What we want you guys to do, is to play along. We aren't box office experts, and we don't have any inside information that you guys don't, all we are doing is having a little fun. So, every Thursday when you come here and read our predictions, post your predictions as a comment, and include either your name or a pseudonym. We will tally up the results every week and announce the weekly winners as well as post the overall scoreboard for the entire competition, that way you guys can play along and see if you have better luck picking the box office smashes from the busts.


The scoring will work this way. You will get 1 point for every movie which you correctly predict will be in the top 5, and you will get 2 points for every movie whose rank you guess exactly. For example, here is last weekend's top 5 box office hits:

1. New Moon- $43m
2. The Blind Side- $40m
3. 2010- $18m
4. Old Dogs- $17m
5. A Christmas Carol- $16m


So, if you guessed those 5 in exact order you would get:

1 point for each movie correctly in top 5- 5 points
2 points for each movie in correct position- 10 points

Total- 15 points


Pretty simple enough, 15 of course is the maximum number of points that you can get per week.

To help you out in your quest, here is the link to the weekend box office results (which we will also be using for our official results) courtesy of Box Office Mojo.

http://boxofficemojo.com/weekend/


The best way to guess the top 5 correctly is to examine the previous weekend's results, and then predict how the new releases will do, with that in mind, here is the link for the upcoming releases each week, again courtesy of Box Office Mojo.

http://boxofficemojo.com/schedule/


So, there you have it, we hope you will participate with us, as it will make it a little more enjoyable if I have more of a challenge than just beating up on Billy every week. With all that said, here are my picks for the top 5 movies of next weekend

1. The Blind Side
2. New Moon
3. Brothers
4. Armored
5. 2012

There you have it, the gauntlet has been thrown, let the games commence.


-Latin

Battle for the Box Office: Billy's Picks

Danny Latin posted a basic logo... I posted an even MORE basic one

Okay kids, you read what Danny Latin said up there (if you didn't, scroll up and read the rules and check out the links he posted as resources; it's a pretty simple and easy competition). This guy thinks he's a hotshot, so I want your help to show him why his picks for the weekend are wrong. Post your predictions for the weekend's top 5 box office draws as a comment and we'll see who's got the best eye for widespread movie appeal out of all of us. My picks are as follows:

1. New Moon
2. Armored
3. The Blind Side
4. A Christmas Carol
5. 2012

I think New Moon has enough of a hormone-crazed, lame romance junkie-fied teenage girl fanbase to squeeze another week out of the #1 spot. The Blind Side did enjoy a surge in popularity this past week, but I don't think that will last much longer because, frankly, it looks boring (there's no scientific basis for this, it's just my gut instinct talking here). That said, it's still new enough to take in more than A Christmas Carol and 2012, which have already been in theaters for 4 weeks and 3 weeks, respectively. A Christmas Carol gets the edge over 2012 simply because of the increasing proximity to Christmas and the fact that 2012's novelty is wearing off fast. The big newcomer here is Armored, which looks interesting enough for a strong opening (not to mention its popularity going up by over 400% this week in imdb), and its target demographic being large enough to compete with those of either New Moon or The Blind Side.

So there you have it. Let us know what your picks are; you don't need reasons, just an ordered list (although feel free to give reasons if you're so inclined). Just don't forget to include some sort of username with your comment so we can give credit to whoever earns the most points next week. And trust me, you want to be a part of this action... being in with this crowd is all the rage these days.

See you tomorrow.

-Billy

Personality of the Week: Justin Timberlake

News struck this week that a feature film version of Yogi Bear has begun filming. The reason I bring this up is because it features Justin Timberlake in the role of Boo Boo, which undoubtedly will lead to some comedic moments.

It intrigues me to view how Timberlake has reinvented himself over the years. His early years featured him as a too famous too fast pop tart, caught up in the adolescent fame of 'N Sync. Tabloids loved covering his many loves, including his famous relationship with fellow Mickey Mouse Club star Britney Spears. Adolescent girls everywhere went nuts over the hip Timberlake, meanwhile most of the male population of the United States rolled their eyes.

Timberlake's start to his solo career didn't go over much better, it initially looked as if he made a serious mistake leaving 'N Sync for the benefit of his own solo career, but slowly and surely he began to generate attention and praise for his solo work. His "Cry Me a River" based on his relationship with Spears, remains to this day one of his most popular works.



Just as it seemed Timberlake was on the path to further stardom, there came the infamous Superbowl 38 halftime show with Janet Jackson. The aftermath nearly got him and Jackson banned from the '04 Grammys, instead, Timberlake issued an apology and promptly won 2 Grammys for his work.

After that, Timberlake began to dabble in movies, including Alpha Dog and Shrek the 3rd. He got his big solo break in 2007 with the hit single "Sexyback".

However, it's Timberlake's recent activities that have raised the eyebrows of not only the female population, but America's men as well. Quite simply, Timberlake has become one of the funniest men in the states. His performances on Saturday Night Live have become instant classics, and he has become so well liked on the show that he has become sort of an unofficial cast member, even joking about his performances.




He seems to have at least temporarily settled down with Jessica Biel, and has established himself as a powerhouse in music, television, and film. His recent commercials with Peyton Manning are some of the best, and again show off his charisma and knack for humor.

Timberlake is no longer simply one of the boys in 'N Sync, and he no longer has to endure the spite of men. He has widened his appeal and expanded his influence. While others have struggled with fame, and melted under controversy, Timberlake has succesfully navigated the troubles he has faced, and has frequently taken the high road when it comes to rumor and speculation.

While I never was one to like 'N Sync, and always found Timberlake annoying, he has succesfully made a fan out of me with his SNL appearances and laid back persona. For once, somebody has actually lost their diva side, and branded themself as a down to earth entertainer, and the response has overwhelmingly been positive.

Here's hoping that more follow Timberlake's example of how to manage a career, but I'm not exactly holding my breath.

As always, enjoy the day and join us tomorrow.

-Latin

Weekly Wish List: The Droid

The Droid is, right now, at the top of my Wish List, which is to say that if I could afford one, I'd certainly look into getting it. I can't afford it, so it will remain right there on the list, for possibly as long as forever, but that doesn't suppress my interest.



As far as technical specs are concerned, the Droid has a 3.7" screen, a 5 megapixel camera (with a flash), and a slide-out keyboard. Its display is the largest on the market and has a striking 270 pixels per inch, and 5 megapixels is at the higher end of the resolution spectrum for a camera phone (not to mention the virtually uneard of flash, allowing for pictures to be taken in minimal lighting conditions). For the sake of convenience as one who loves to take pictures, having a camera that good built into a phone is appealing to me. Possibly my favorite thing about the Droid is its full sliding keyboard, an aspect that its main competitor, the iPhone, lacks. Typing on a touchscreen keyboard, to me, is about as easy as trying to grab a goldfish out of a bucket of water with your bare hands... it makes my digits feel unwieldy, useless blocks of wood, so having solid buttons to press is always a plus.

In addition, the Droid has an interchangeable battery, which is specifically being highlighted as an advantage the Droid has over the iPhone. While that's nice, it's not really a make-or-break aspect for me (how many people actually swap phone batteries anyway?), nor is the claim that it can run simultaneous apps. On the other hand, I'm relatively unfamiliar with the smartphone lifestyle, so maybe being able to run two apps at once is a very good thing. All of these features set the Droid a notch above the iPhone, in my opinion (and you can Click Here for a reasonably in-depth comparison of the two machines, if you want more detail), but what really has me sold is the way Verizon is marketing the Droid. Check out this commercial, one of my recent favorites:





Finally someone is giving Apple a taste of its own medicine. For years, I've been enduring those insufferably self-righteous "I'm a Mac... and I'm a PC" commercials that don't so much advertise Macs as they do bash on PCs. Now, Verizon is pointing out the shortcomings of an Apple product, and the result is not only beautifully accurate, but cleverly and seasonally implemented. Before the Droid was even launched, Verizon came out swinging with those "Everything iDon't... Droid does" spots that aired frequently during the MLB playoffs. Anyone with the guts to take on Apple so boldly gets my vote from the start, and doing it with a product that has more to speak of than the iPhone is a solid plan.

In a nutshell, I want the Droid because it's a cool gadget in its own right (cooler, even, than the iPhone), and as an added bonus, it's the first product I know of that is using Apple's own proven marketing formula and air of superiority against them. That's a winning combination I'd like to see more of in the future.

-Billy

Over/Under of the Week: Adam Sandler

So, for the column today, I decided to go in a different direction, rather than give you either something overrated or something underrated, I decided to pick a topic, and then give you both an under and overrated item from that topic.

Today, that topic will be the much maligned Adam Sandler.

Sandler has never been on the same page as film critics. Critics tend to see film as an expression of art and technical talent, Sandler has always seen film as pure entertainment. It's obvious that Sandler enjoys his movies, after all, who wouldn't. He brings in some of the best actors in the business for his films, goofs around and has fun, and then makes tons of money. Sandler will doubtfully ever win an Oscar or gain critical recognition on a large scale, but its good to remember sometimes that film is more than just stuck up critics who don't even have a good time at movies. With that said, oftentimes Sandler can leaving you feel a little burned out from all the yelling. So with a nod to both parties lets look at the under and overrated gems from Sandler's past.


OVERRATED: You Don't Mess with the Zohan




Sandler has seemingly always had 3 gears. His most comfortable gear is the over the top stupidity and guy humor. He's loud, obnoxious, learns his lesson, gets the girl, and has a bunch of laughs. A solid majority of his movies fall into this category, it's what gives him his brand and makes him money.

His second gear is still primarily the loud obnoxious humor, but this time is isn't a blabbering idiot, and he actually is trying to make a "touching" point. These include: Click, 50 First Dates, Bedtime Stories, The Wedding Singer, Big Daddy, and you could argue Mr. Deeds. Sandler seemed to make a natural progression to this style as he matured, and now more and more of his movies start falling into this section.

Finally, there is the Adam Sandler who must just like to mess around with critics, beccause he pulls out a dramatic, somber performance, and often gets rather favorable reviews. Funny People, Reign Over Me, Spanglish, and Punch Drunk Love, that's the entire list. The latter even garnered Sandler a Golden Globe nomination, and widespread critical praise. Sandler has shown off this side of himself more and more, though we never can be sure when this Sandler will decide to show up.

Unfortunately, even as it seemed Sandler might have been finding a happy medium in his life, he decided to release "Zohan" and show us just how crude he could still be. However, this time, his crude humor wasn't as funny as his classics like "Happy Gilmore" and "Billy Madison", and instead of just being adolescently crude, he amped up the sexual content and innuendo, and the result was a rather unfunny movie which featured all too many cringe worthy sex references.

Shockingly, some people ate it up. Ebert called it one of his favorite Sandler movies ever and actually LIKED it, which, if you know Ebert and Sandler, you know thats virtually a sign of the apocalypse.

Now, I like Sandler, and I'm a fan of most of his movies. However, "Zohan" struck me as amateurish in a way that his younger movies never did, maybe I just came to expect more from Sandler over the years, but "Zohan" was a major bust in my book.


2 out of 10 Elliots

(In honor of my inaugural Mustache Column, I will be rating things on a scale of 1 to 10 Sam Elliots)




UNDERRATED: Big Daddy





At the other end of the spectrum, is a Sandler movie that was released during the height of his Happy Gilmore/Wedding Singer popularity, and yet kind of missed the boat.

Big Daddy is one of the first Sandler movies to really push into the second phase of his film making. It still has his trademark insults and rebellious streak, but it forgoes the psychotic of Happy Gilmore, and the idiot of Billy Madison and The Waterboy. Unfortunately, because studios want to make money, "Big Daddy" was marketed as another Sandler stupid comedy. The posters and DVD case feature the stars peeing on a door, alienating people looking for a decent feel good story, and then surprising kids when it wasn't the same stupid old Sandler punching celebrities and shouting like a moron.

At its heart, Big Daddy is actually a pretty good story about a drowning loser who misses the past, and the little boy who saves him. It features a young Dylan Sprouse, who would later star in one of my favorite TV movies "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause" before becoming a Disney Channel star with "The Suite Life of Zac and Cody." Also featuring Joey Lauren Adams, fairly fresh off of "Chasing Amy", Leslie Mann, who he would again star with in "Funny People", and of course a slew of recurring Sandler friends, including the always funny Steve Buscemi, and actually, one of Rob Schneider's better Sandler cameos. Big Daddy is one of Sandler's best, and it holds up well over time. If you think you might want to give Sandler a chance after seeing some of his newer stuff, I advise you to check out Big Daddy, if you already are a Sandler fan, pull this off the shelf some night, it may not get the same pedigree as Happy Gilmore, but its Sandler at his best, funny, but subdued.

6 out of 10 Elliotts


Thats all for today folks, as always, have a great day and check back tomorrow.

-Latin

Testosterone Alley: Driving Like a Real MAN

Turn signals, brakes, appropriate reaction times, common sense - what do all four of these have in common? They're fundamental aspects of operating a motor vehicle which must be implemented effectively if you want to stay out of trouble on the road. Of course, all people of legal driving age know this... but it takes more than just knowledge the basics to drive like a real MAN. We men often find ourselves in dangerous situations; it's in our very nature to tackle the most death-defying challenges, to defeat the odds and come out on top, whether via brute force, intellect and skill, or a combination of both. To drive like a man, especially a man in the midst of trouble, you have to stretch reality to the limits of its feasibility, to have mastery over the very laws of physics themselves. Today, Battle Royale brings you a four-step guide that will have you driving like a MAN in no time.



1. Eliminate environmental threats

Let's say you need to get from Point A to Point B really quickly. The only problem is... there's a bomb fastened to the bottom of your car. You've got places to be, so don't even THINK about stopping. You have to figure out a way to get rid of the bomb while on the move, and here's where our first lesson in physics-bending comes in, courtesy of one Frank Martin, also known as the Transporter:



As you can see, the first thing you need to do is find an incline, but not just any old incline; it has to be positioned in such a fashion that only one side of your car will actually hit the makeshift ramp. This way, as you fly through the air, your car will perform a spiral (in the manner of a good football pass) and, if done correctly, will hit the ground in the perfect upright position. This is pretty basic stuff if you're just trying to impress the ladies. But you're NOT looking to show off right now, you're looking to show off while REMOVING A BOMB.

The tricky part lies in finding something to scrape the bomb off the bottom of the car. In a textbook case, there will be a crane hanging in just the right spot to assist you with this... but we all know that MEN don't operate by the book, we do things our OWN WAY. If there's no crane available, a flagpole, scaffolding, street light, billboard, or any other object that juts out into the air will do the trick in a pinch. Try it out for yourself, see what works for you.



2. Increase altitude to avoid obstacles

You ditched the bomb on your car, but it went off just after you dislodged it. The resulting explosion alerted the cops, and now they think you're the perpetrator. They're hot on your trail... so how do you get away? We now turn to the one and only Batman for our second lesson in manly driving:



The first thing you need to do in this case is survey the scene. Keep a cool head, make sure your poisoned love interest (optional) doesn't get too upset about the fact that she could be dead in a matter of minutes; you don't have time for distractions like that. If, as you careen through the streets, you still can't lose the fuzz, then don't restrict yourself simply to driving on the ground. The simplest solution is, as was demonstrated, to find a parking garage, traverse the ramps until you get to the top, and crash through the wall, barreling forward across the rooftops until you intersect with a bridge. At that point, it's a safe bet that the police haven't been able to follow you for some time.

Of course, not all of us have the limitless funds necessary to secure a vehicle that can in fact break down concrete barriers like that, so you may have to get a little more resourceful. You've already proven that you're adept enough to lift your car off the ground, so the only thing you need now is another incline to lift you over the wall at the top of the parking garage. Perhaps there are some haphazardly placed and unsecured metal beams, or an unoccupied piece of construction equipment; whatever the case, in these dangerous scenarios, there's always stuff laying around where it shouldn't be, so make use of the random junk at your disposal... it doesn't take Ninja training to figure that one out.



3. Your car isn't just a vehicle... it's a weapon

The cops and their pathetic squad cars have been unable to stop you, and so, watching you fly through the air, they decided to bring in an airborne vehicle of their own. Suddenly, you're staring down a helicopter, complete with a rifle-firing maniac hanging out the side. No amount of roof-hopping will get you away from that... your only choice is to neutralize the threat, John McClane style:



By now you're a pro at achieving liftoff with your car, but this is more than just your average jump: this one requires precision, timing, and, most of all, a good eye for the trajectory of a car hurtling through the air.

After you make the tough decision to abandon your car, you have to ascertain whether or not your ramp of choice is in the proper position to strike the helicopter. This shouldn't be too difficult, simply because you are a MAN and as such can ensure that anything in your path (including tollbooths) can indeed propel your car off the ground. Antagonists of this nature rarely take into account this fact and will likely position themselves behind what they think is cover, only to find out that you will use that "cover" to launch your car at them and send them to a fiery doom.

The really hard part is knowing when to bail. If you jump out too early, your car might not have the momentum it needs to achieve maximum height; too late and you're going down in flames as well, or at least losing your legs as your car scrapes along the tollbooth (or what have you) ahead. This is where being a MAN really comes in handy. Reaction time is key at this point, and if you focus (i.e. don't panic like a little girl), your inner Awesome should see you through. When the time is right, jump, tuck, roll, and enjoy the show.



4. No car? No problem.

You've removed a bomb, escaped the police, and blown up a helicopter... but you still haven't reached Point B yet, and now you've destroyed your ride. Running is for weenies, and besides, you need to get there NOW, so what do you do? Take a page out of the James Bond playbook (you may want to take a moment to let it load, as the specific scene comes about 4 minutes into the video):



Any poser can hop into the nearest experimental watercraft and blast out onto the open seas, but your destination is on dry ground. To get there, find a boathouse (preferably one that has a ramp leading into the water; ramps are a key theme here) and use it to access the nearest road. With your mastery of physics by this point, taking corners on a street in a vehicle that has no wheels or brakes should be no trouble at all. And now that you're so close to your goal, don't let ANYTHING stand in your way. Keep forging ahead at all costs (blaring away on your little boat horn, of course, to alert innocent bystanders), no matter how many buildings you have to crash through. Eventually you'll arrive at your destination, even manlier than you were than when you began your journey.



And that's it, folks: four simple steps to driving like a real MAN. If you're reading this and you're not a man, don't worry... I'm sure there's a man out there who would be willing to bring you along as his poisoned female counterpart, and then you can take in all the Awesome firsthand.

Check back with us tomorrow for more adventures in pop culture.

-Billy